If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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