should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
