I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Randomize
