Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
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