if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
