My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
