How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
