Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
