I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize