Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I think my nap took me to another dimension
you're hired as official boob wrangler
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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