i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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