I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
