How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
