so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
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