Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
