If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
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