she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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