9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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