Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
