you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
