She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
my liver is dry heaving
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
