thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
