There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Randomize
