I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Randomize
