Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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