My brain says no but my pants say off.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Randomize
