Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
