somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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