Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
