I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Randomize
