Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Randomize