just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
