I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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