So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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