Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
