i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
