I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Randomize
