return my video game
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Randomize
