Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
