some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
