East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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