I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
being pregnant is like rehab
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
