***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
