I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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