Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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