I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
