I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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