so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
whose ass print is on the piano?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Randomize
