yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Randomize
