Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
