so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
