just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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