john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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