It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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