he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
there's paper in my vomit.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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