It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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