good thing vaginas are great cup holders
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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