this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
