My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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