It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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