Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
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