they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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