We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
