i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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