remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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