I look better un-naked...
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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