just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
